Advise Letter

Following the letter you wrote to me, I take this opportunity to advise you and give my point of view. A friend in need is a friend in deed. You and your friend have had a strong relationship since when they were young. You enjoyed your friendship and shared a lot. However, the new friend in Jamie’s friend’s life is threatening the friendship. She is spending too much time with him, and this is making you feel neglected and ignored. I suggest you confront your friend and make her understand the importance of your friendship as well as the consequences of destroying it for the sake of the new romance.

First and foremost, Jamie you love your friend to such an extent that you are jealous. You two have been friends for a long time and that’s why you cannot imagine losing the relationship because of the new lover. It is evident that the jealous you have reflects love and devotion. You are sincere and you have a feeling for your friend. I acknowledge this jealous and I appreciate the love you have for your friend. You have seen far than your friend. You understand that ruining the friendship will harm both of you. “Sometimes, jealousy is used as a yardstick to measure how much someone cares for us – if they are jealous, then it must mean they care (Lecture, 10/30/12).” The love you have for your relationship is the cause of the jealous and is not only healthy but also beneficial.  

Your friend is acting out of emotions and this will take a short time. It is normal for people to neglect their friend whenever they get new lovers so that they can capture the lover’s total concentration. It is common for people to prioritize their new partners and expect to use spend every minute with them. Women are the most affected as they tend to prioritize the relationship and want to have every minute directed towards the relationship. They do this trying to win the attention of the new partner. They also fear that the man will go out alone and get attracted to other women. They feel they have to be with the new partner in parties, watching movies, going from shopping, listening to music and all that goes with fun. This is a short phase that will end after they get used to each other. Your friend is prioritizing the relationship and wants to do everything with the partner. However, this will come to an end after a short period of time. She will soon realize your importance as a friend and come back to you. “In fact, many women go through this phase early in their romantic relationships, and neglect friends and even family once they find a significant other (class reader, p.202). Just understand her and be ready for her when she comes back to you. Friends value each other and have come back to each other after some time.

It is important to take your friend positively. You have been friends for a long time and you really value the friendship. “During the exciting early stages of a romance, it is natural to want to constantly talk about your love interest (class reader, p.202).” You understand how helpful she has been and how much you need her in the future. This is why you feel the new partner is a threat if he will destroy this treasure. Nevertheless, you have to consider your friend as a different individual. Understand that every relationship has commitments and responsibilities attached to it. Imagine you are the one in her situation and you require time with your man. However, take your time and make sure you have enough time with her. You can take advantage of every single minute you see her alone and make urge her to stay with you for some time. “To strike a balance, ensure that the time you spend together is quality time. Have a standing date every two weeks when you get together and catch up (class reader, p.202).”

Take your time and make your friend understand how important your friendship is in future as it has been in the past. In this case, you have to be cautious not to hurt her. It will be advisable to say it jokingly rather than in a serious note. Remind her of the good times you have enjoyed together. Incite a discussion of the memories that will never fade in your lives especially for the moments events occurred when you were together. Appreciate her partner and avoid talking much about him. Make your friend take you easily but seriously drive the point home. Remind her saying that goes, “marriage is not a bed of roses.” Many people have been in marriages but have ended up divorcing. On the other hand, a partner or husband cannot take the space of a friend. There are so many things one cannot discuss with her husband but can to a friend. Therefore, this romance should not cut the friendship ties which have been building for many years. Additionally, it is important to tell her to spend time away with the partner so that they reduce chances of boredom. If they are together every minute, they are likely to bore each other and end the relationship before its maturity. “Spending time apart, on the other hand, gives each of you space to grow as an individual and gives you different things to talk about when you are together with your partner (class reader, p.202).” Invite her to spend some weekends with you as you used to be so that she feels you still value her company.

Use real life examples to show her the importance of maintain friendships. Remind her of the woman in your estate who neglected her friends and family members after starting a relationship with the chief’s son. The two got married and the pride made the woman insult her friends and worst her parents. Unfortunately, the couple divorced after two years and the woman had no one to turn to. She ended up committing suicide as a result of shame and disappointment. She had no friend or family member to console her. “We’ve all witnessed couples who begin a relationship with a big social circle that gets whittled away, so when the partnership breaks down, there is no one to turn to (class reader, p.202).” This will make her reflect on her relationship and allow her help her decide whether to concentrate on the partner alone or the partner and friends as well.

In conclusion, Jamie and your childhood friend are just about to be separated by a partner in your friend’s life. The friend is taking too much time with the new partner and has no time for you. This is making you feel neglected. It is important for you to talk with the friend and let her understand the consequences of neglecting friends. The jealous you have is healthy as it is a result of love and care for her. Jamie, you have to take your friend’s reaction as normal. You should take it positive as it will end after some time. Loving her friend and giving her time to understand the situation she is in will make her realize her mistake and respect their friendship forever.  I wish you a smooth move towards protecting the friendship and making your friend successful in future. Feel free to contact me whenever you are stuck in any situation.