Modern Marriages and Men's Desire to Wed

Traditionally, dreams of love and marriage have been regarded as woman’s domain. In popular culture throughout the years, representations of women as passive dreamers waiting for a knight in shining armor have prevailed. Fairy tales, children’s songs and movies perpetuate the image of the woman as dreaming about her wedding day since childhood onward, aspiring to get married and raise a family throughout her life. Men, on the other hand, are often perceived and represented as being hesitant about marriage, unwilling to “settle down” and wanting to “sew their wild oats” before committing to a wife and family. I believe these gendered notions about marital expectations are socially-constructed myths; leftover stereotypes from a much older time that no longer reflect the modern man or woman’s ambitions when it comes to love and family life. Recent studies, in fact, show evidence that to the contrary of popular perceptions 21^st century men actually desire marriage more than the average 21^st century woman.

            As a recent online article acknowledges, a survey conducted by the well-known dating website Match.com has found that most modern men are not suffering from the fear of commitment that their reputation suggests, and in fact, “were more likely than women to fall in love at first sight, to want to start a family, and to start a relationship with someone of a different religion or ethnicity than their own.”¹

The article also points toward research in Time magazine that suggests that while men desire marriage more than ever and more than women; women, on the other hand, desire marriage less than they had in previous generations. One possibility for this shift in gender roles when it comes to the desire for marriage is the fact that women are more independent than ever before.

            In this day and age it is not at all uncommon for women to go to college and pursue a career path. It is socially acceptable for a single woman to live on her own and even raise children without a male provider. But this was not always the case. Just half a century ago, it was a woman’s duty to be a house keeper and a mother; and woman performing work outside of the domestic realm of the home was almost unheard of. That was the traditional domain of men, who were charged with the responsibility of having to provide their dependent wives and children.

            The man’s role as provider has also shifted over the last several decades. As a research-based article in the USA Today suggests, "Men are now expressing some traditionally female attitudes” while woman become increasingly independent and career oriented. ²